by Nate Hoff |
December 11, 2018
It's that time of year that people start heading home for the holidays, visiting friends and family, and having a generally awful time at the airport. Hats off to the airline workers for dealing with hundreds of thousands of anxious, pushy people. Last year marked the first time I've had a bad experience flying (C-130 rides and medevacs out of Afghanistan excluded). Luckily, I had a few Violent Little products to help me keep my sanity.
I generally enjoy my time flying and in airport terminals. It's a time that I'm free from distractions, and the people watching is always top notch. Not thinking much of it, I pulled out my People to Kill notebooks and memo books throughout the day to take notes, design products and make work lists. It wasn't until I caught the judgy glare of an elderly woman on my flight out of Denver that I realized the use of these products could be, in some cases, frowned upon. But I'm a true red-blooded American so I looked her in the eye and added her to my list.
It seems like you're either sprinting to your next plane, or you have a four hour layover. Last year it was the latter for me. As far as airports go, Denver is probably one of the more interesting airports to be stuck at. I walk around, take in the New World Order Doomsday artwork and grab a beer at the New Belgium restaurant in terminal B. If anybody is traveling on Christmas Eve this year, follow our Instagram story and if we cross paths, beer is on me.
The thing that makes Christmas Eve travel so tricky is the lost luggage. Adults might understand that your lost baggage had their gift in it, but nieces and nephews aren't quite as understanding. Also, whose idea was it to make almost all luggage look the same? It seems like you pretty much only have the option of black or red bags. I have a red suitcase, and coincidentally so did everyone else in the Louisville, Kentucky baggage claim that day. Luckily for me, my Valhalla Admit One Luggage Tag stood out enough for me to make a quick exit and get away from the rest of the tired and angry holiday travelers.
Making it back to Kentucky to visit family proved to be a relatively smooth day of travel, however, the return trip was far from it. It started by my flight being moved up two hours, requiring a 4 am departure. That flight was later delayed...seven times and finally canceled 12 hours later. Not wanting to go back home and start all over again the next day, I secured a flight to Denver, where they put me up in a hotel. That simple task required three hours of waiting in line, two hours on the phone and two bus rides. From Denver, I planned to rent a car a drive the 12 hours home, but I couldn't talk the airline into paying for it. Instead, I caught a flight back to Idaho the next day, which was also delayed...three times.
With Holiday Cheer,
Nate
by Emily Stevens |
December 04, 2018
During my time here at Violent Little, since May 2017, I've been able to create some pretty rad stuff. You can bet your ass that I have a clout box of the products and other creations I've contributed to this crazy company. I feel ultra lucky to be learning the process of taking an idea and bringing it to life...photographing it, putting it online and then watching it sell. Some of these things I brought in with the help of other artists (and the minds of my coworkers), and others I did the art for myself. Check them out!
Magazine:
I did the layout for the last three issues of Violent Little's Bathroom Magazine. These took the most time to make out of anything I've done for obvious reasons, at 40+ pages each. These were as fun to create as they were a challenge. The first one reminds me of a powerpoint a sixth grader would make, the next was stepped up to 8th grade level, and the third is like the work of an Ivy League scholar. Just kidding. The first two issues are gone forever- you might have to sell your first born to get one- and the third is still shipping as of now.
Greeting Cards:
One of the first products I made was the "Welcome To The Friend Zone" greeting card...it was after its lack of success that we decided to keep making more! I've made a handful of cards since this one...
...including the Rude Flowery Collection cards: "You Asshole", "Fuck You", "Fuckin' Thanks", and "Rude To Fart".
The Hula Girl "Fuck Off" and "Nobody Loves You" greeting cards are also in my clout box. When my time at Violent Little comes to its inevitable conclusion, I may continue my venture down greeting card creation lane...😊
T-Shirt:
I created the graphic and helped bring to Violent Little the first women's cut shirt (also in men's) in the form of the Violent Little Power T-Shirt. Here I am with my belly button out really trying to sell it.
Lotion:
Not my art, but this Buffalo Bill's Precious Skin Lotion was one of my best ideas that I got the ball rolling on. This also happens to be our first product with your beauty and your kidnapper's satisfaction in mind.
Condoms:
Magnum Lies Condoms are a genius idea from Nate's crazy head....I just created the art and wrapper design for them.
Ribbons:
The Friend Zone ribbon was my very first creation (which is why the Friend Zone greeting card came to fruition), followed by the "I Finished First Award" (a Nate idea), then the highly offensive and polarizing "Dick Ribbon", rounded off with the "Santa Saw What You Did Award"...shipping now!
Lapel Pin:
The "I Flew The Fucking Plane" lapel pin was a Yanne idea that I really liked. As soon as I was able, I put together the art and ordered the thing!
Patches:
Let's not forget what Violent Little as about: those morale patches! Here are a few I designed.
"Moist" morale patch...as you can tell, it was the most technically challenging design I've ever done.
"Pussy" morale patch...which was somebody else's idea that I was tasked with creating to be "as tasteful as possible." I think it turned out well?
The Violent Little TI-83 morale patch is a throwback to the classic calculator that I painstakingly tried to replicate and tweak in our own jacked-up fashion.
There are a lot more products out there that I helped bring into the shop. See if you can figure out what they are. Maybe I'll go on a date with you if you can find them all. Anywho...thank you for reading and humoring me as I pat my own back!
Love,
Emily
Posted in
Violent Little
by Oscar Sanchez |
February 02, 2018
The big names in the wallet game.
We reached out to some big time tactical wallet players like Hellbent Holsters, Trayvax, Recycled Firefighter and EOScases. Not everyone wanted to participate in our review, but we were trying to get the best wallets from all the land to get a good idea of what might be the best.
The contenders:
For Trayvax: the Contour Raw, for Recycled Firefighter: the Captain Bifold wallet, and from us: the Kydex Shock Wallet.
SEAL stamp of approval?
We put these badass wallets through some rigorous testing. What does Violent Little know about tactical wallets? Well they hired me and my tacti-cool brain to be the ultimate judge. Someone said being a Navy SEAL makes my opinion more important than yours. As team guys, we do tend to find the “best” ways to test things out and give the SEAL stamp of approval. For whatever that’s worth these days.
TOO LONG DIDN’T READ??
Scroll to the bottom for the AAR of the three wallets. But you’re going to miss all the pictures and my witty analogies, you lazy fuck.
THE WALLETS THEMSELVES: 
The Contour Raw (Tobacco Brown) Wallet By Trayvax.
Costanza Test...
With the space to hold 8 cards and 10 bills of cash, this is a great wallet for its size and girth. Perfectly fits in the front pocket without creating a new bulge in your pants. If you're a back pocket kind of guy, the metal frame of the Contour Raw wallet won't try and invade your ass. As long as you try and keep it to the side once it's in your pocket. Maybe that's what they meant by "raw".
Pull Out Game...
Its slim design makes it easy to drop in and pull out of your pocket. The only snag point to consider would be the attachment point on the wallet. If it’s sitting in your pocket a certain way, the attachment point may catch as it protrudes from the wallet. I face the attachment point towards the rear when placing in my pocket and usually I have my palm over the attachment point as I pull out to keep it snag free.
Peacocking...
This is a one of kind, steel frame wallet with an elegant leather strap. It brings you the best of both worlds. A new modern wallet with a touch of the classic leather that’s kept wallets going through the ages. Just like Peewee Herman, everybody noticed when I whipped this out in public. I can't say I've seen many wallets like this one out there. The "Earn Your Story" quote inside the wallet is a very nice touch. Starting to wonder if they sent that personally to me, to follow the "Earn Your Trident" motto.
Damage as a Weapon...
Probably the only the one in this review that can be used as a weapon. The attachment point offers a good strike point to crack a skull. The stainless steel frame can be used as a throwing star to give you a distance weapon. With the option to use a lanyard on the wallet, you can swing it around like some sort of chain mace.
Reload Speed...
Cards slide in with ease, but cash takes a two stage fold to get back in. But it holds plenty of cash, even folded up. I think I fit more than just 10 bills like it says in the description.
Attachments...
It has the attachment point so you can lanyard it to your belt loop, for those nights you can’t trust yourself not lose it. It comes with a bottle opener built in that proved to be strong with no issues. The bottle opener gives you another reason to pull out your wallet and use it as a conversation starter. This wallet also offers you the chance to bring back chained wallets, because they're making a comeback just like the fanny pack.
Bottom Line...
At first glance, the Contour Raw seemed a little too complicated for a device that just needs to hold cash and cards. Coming with instructions and an allen wrench, I was waiting to see if this thing would transform into a robot or a pocket pussy. It's easy to say that out of the three wallets, this is the most expensive with a price tag of $139.99 for a variety of reasons. As testing began and time went on, I realized I was falling in love with this wallet. That forbidden type of love, like when you realize maybe you’re with the wrong sister. As I was previously into our Kydex Shock Wallet (see below for review) which was great, but damn did this thing steal me away. With the second highest capacity for cards and cash, it fit in my life so well. Backed by a 65-year heirloom warranty, you can rest assured knowing this wallet will work as well for your shitty nephew, who's going to lift it off your dead body at your funeral, as it did for you. Also, this wallet offers RFID resistance and a sweet message on the leather where your cash gets tucked away.
The Captain Bifold wallet is from our friends over at Recycled Firefighter.
Costanza Test...
There’s enough room for a 2oz flask to be tucked away in here with plenty of room for excess guitar lesson tickets. I managed to keep about $600 cash in it with two IDs and seven cards with no problem. It has the greatest capacity of all the wallets tested (12-15 cards and 20 bills), while still maintaining a low profile.
Pull Out Game...
This is a pretty large wallet, so the corners could possibly get hung up on the edges of your pocket. This would really only be a problem for skinny jean wearing weaklings though.
Peacocking...
Compared to the standard bi-fold wallet, this bad boy is pretty flashy. Made from red cotton jacketed fire hose, this will stand out above your buddy's Kohl's wallet his college girlfriend got him for their first Christmas.
Damage as a Weapon...
It's made out of recycled fire hose (the cotton jacket, not the coupling) so it's not the ideal weapon. If you throw this at someone, they will laugh at you while stealing your cash because you're an idiot.
Reload Speed...
Getting cards in and out was no problem. The only hang up was getting cash back in (as it always is). However, it was still quicker than the other wallets reviewed as the cash didn't require any folding. An extra 1/4" of opening would speed up the process while the mom with three screaming kids behind you in line stares you down at the grocery store.
Attachments...
None, unless you cut some in for yourself. We like innovators.
Bottom Line...
This is a wallet that is simply that, a wallet. It's not overly flashy or complicated, it does its job and it's tough as shit. This wallet is reasonably priced at $49.00 and has 910 out of 939 five star reviews. Recycled Firefighter did a great job on this wallet. There are some features I'm typically pretty partial to, like double ID windows for both my drivers license and Military ID, but I've found that to be a pretty moot point with this wallet.
*Editors Note* This will be Nate's go-to wallet from here forth. Nate now requests to be called by "The Captain" and refuses to answer to anything else. Thanks Recycled Firefighter, you blew up Nate's head and really affected his efficiency at work.
The Kydex Shock Wallet available here at Violent Little.
Costanza Test...
Well, George would be proud of this one, as it holds up to 35 cards and a bundle of cash. Why would you need 35 cards? Because who knows when you’ll go to Starbucks to start your day then hit up Foot Locker for those new kicks to show off when you head to Planet Fitness where you go mostly so you will look like you care about your health. When you get pulled over by cop, good news for you...you have all types of identification. State ID, YMCA ID, your expired Military ID, a Costco card and your insurance card so you’re good to go. Stores an equally obscene amount of cash, either in a two stage fold or just wadded and stuffed in like it's a strippers panty line.
Pull Out Game...
Being a slim wallet, it can be drawn and holstered without a snag. The only issue was when we stuffed it with 36 cards, it felt like I was trying to put a J.R.R. Tolkien book in my pocket.
Peacocking...
This is the kind of wallet that makes the gunslinger within you smile. Coming in a multitude of colors and patterns, this wallet will stand out every time you buy a girl a drink. Almost as much attention as the guy who whipped his dick out at a feminist rally...not sure if he lived though.
Damage as a Weapon...
The Kydex portion doesn’t provide much strength to do any damage itself, but if you unwrap the shock cord you just might be able to sneak up on an enemy and choke them out like a mobster.
Reload Speed...
Much like a mag change, you can use your card to find a touch point in the wallet and slide it right in. Once you get that touch point down, you’ll be doing the “look ma no hands" style reloads all day and night. Cash requires an extra step- a two stage fold and then tucked away in the shock cord.
Attachments...
Nothing built in to attach anything to, but we're considering adding a longer shock cord to add more to the load of your everyday carry. Maybe a notebook or pack of smokes.
Bottom Line...
If you want a wallet that holds a shitload of cards and a large amount of cash, this is the one for you. With the lowest price point of all three wallets ($30), its grand capacity for cards, and the fact that it holds the most out of the group by four times. The bottom of the wallet offers a thumb hole to push your cards up for easy access and choosing of whichever card your need. You don’t have to sacrifice carrying less cash, as the cash has a separate space for itself. This wallet also offers the biggest selection of colors and patterns so it can be personalized to match the shine you bring into the world. Even if you're dull and gray, well we have that color too.
The Wallets Kydex Shock Wallet Contour Raw Captain Bifold
Costanza Test 5/5 3/5 4/5
Pull Out Game 4/5 3/5 3/5
Weapon Test 3/5 5/5 2/5
Peacocking 4/5 5/5 3/5
Reload Speed 4/5 3/5 5/5
Attachments 2/5 4/5 1/5
Price Tag 4/5 1/5 4/5
THE WINNER IS...
With 26 points is the Kydex Shock Wallet, coming in second is the Contour Raw with 24 points, followed closely by the Captain Bifold, with 22 points. What pushed the Kydex Shock Wallet ahead is its ability for a mass amount of storage, it boasts a large diversity in color and pattern options, and most importantly, the lowest price tag of the three. $30.00 isn't bad for all that you're paying for, considering you were about to spend it all on fake Xanny bars and Lemon 714 pills. The price tag is what hurt the Contour Raw the most, being the highest of the three, at $139.00. You do get a lot of sweet bells, whistles and a 65 year heirloom warranty though...so remember what you're paying for. The Captain Bifold struggled in the "Weapon" and "Attachment" tests, but that's not really what you're buying a wallet for anyway. It does what a wallet is supposed to do: storing cash near your ass. With a price of $49.00, it's a great bifold wallet made out of recycled fire hose to help you stand out in a crowd.
Unicorns and M4s,
Oscar Sanchez, A Navy SEAL
