by Steven Bartholomew |
July 03, 2023
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My man,
Back when gangsters still had some class, Frank Lucas was out here running a "million dollar a day" business like it was nothing. The story of how they discovered who he even was is incredible.
The guy stays low key for years, until his wife decides to get him a $100,000 mink coat, which he wears to a Muhammad Ali fight, where he had even better seats than the known mafia members that were in attendance. I can imagine that probably turned some heads. What did we learn here, men? Don't let your wife pick your clothes and you won't ever be spotted by the FBI. Easy peasy.
Pick up one of these sweet patches to remind yourself that you better be somebody.
by Steven Bartholomew |
June 26, 2023
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I think it's safe to say any American with a pulse has seen the new Top Gun movies. It's probably the most American, righteously patriotic thing you can do next to signing your name on the Declaration of Independence. So why wouldn't we make a morale patch to commemorate such an inspiring Hollywood classic?
Rumor has it, Tom Cruise actually wore one of these patches on his flight suit when filming the second movie. Something about making him feel invincible or something. I'm not sure, he's a strange guy, so it's not surprising that he stumbled upon Violent Little.
But who wouldn't want to wear this on their flight suit? It's eye-catching as hell and made from durable PVC so even the toughest of dog fights won't put a scratch on these patches. Just one look at this patch and you'll have Kenny Rodgers "Danger Zone" playing so clearly in your head you'll think your flying down a restricted run way on your crotch rocket on the way to check in for Top Gun School.
This patch is just it.
by Steven Bartholomew |
June 22, 2023
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The only reason I can imagine someone wouldn't love this patch is for the simple fact that they're just not getting any. That's gotta be it, and if that is the case, it sounds more like a personal issue than an issue with this patch in particular.
But hey I get it, dry streaks can be both mentally and emotionally exhausting. Obviously, if you were in the position to lick some tits, you're gonna lick some tits. Some things just go without saying, but it's just getting into scoring position that's the hardest part.
Just keep your head up and stay consistent. Play it cool and don't come off to needy and you're bound to be licking some tits in no time. How do I know? You really think we would have made a patch that says "Let's Lick Tits" if we weren't licking any titties in our free time? C'mon man... we're like experts.
Actually, this idea came from an episode of Rick and Morty, where Summer used it as a badass one-liner before embarking on a sick adventure. It definitely plays, it gets me hyped up just saying it in my own head, and I'm sitting here on the couch in pajama pants. Mentally, you would never be able to tell that though with how psyched I am. "Hell Yeah! Let's go lick some f*cking tits!" would be my genuine reaction to hearing this for the first time. Especially before a sick op, are you kidding? Where we going, and are we taking the Little Bird?
It plays both ways, use it accordingly.
Steven
