by Steven Bartholomew |
June 06, 2023
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Welcome to the NOSHO, Sluts
We know it's been a little while since we dropped anything new so we figured we'd bring you this absolute clapper of a trio based off of your favorite Canadian senior hockey team. For somebody who was born and raised in Florida, and hasn't put on a pair of ice skates since an elementary school summer camp to a very sketchy ice rink in Daytona Beach, I'm a big hockey guy. My admiration from the sport came from a weekend trip to D.C. sponsored by the MWR back in 2017, which included discounted tickets to a Capitals v.s. Penguins game. With a belly full of draft beer and the boys getting "probably" a little too rowdy, I'd never had as much fun at any live sporting event than I did in that arena. I think any sport that requires an insane amount of athleticism and for you to be ready to exchange bare knuckle haymakers at a moment's notice is worth paying attention to.
Also, in honor of Jared Keeso's acting skills and our love for Canada, we RESTOCKED our Letterkenny Patch!
Along with these beauties:
Smoke Brisket Not Meth
Cowabunga It Is
Give yer balls a tug,
Steven
by Steven Bartholomew |
May 01, 2023
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There's a cold place in hell for whoever thought of resort fees. Just when you think you've got your vacation budget under control, boom! There they are, tacking on an extra charge for 'amenities' you didn't even know existed. It's like they're saying, "Hey, you didn't use the room phone or the 'state of the art' fitness room? Well, enjoy paying for them both!" Next thing you know, you're shelling out extra cash for Wi-Fi and daily newspapers, when you haven't read a newspaper in 5 years. It's nonsense!
I'm convinced that it's only going to get worse. Like in the future, you will be paying a "Sunbathing Fee" or "Breathing Fee" if your resort feels like the quality of the air they are providing is just too good to be free. Actually, the air is so clean that this fee will just be non-negotiable. I once had to pay a non-negotiable, 15$ "Entertainment Fee" in a hotel I stayed in a couple of years ago. When I asked what my entertainment fee was for, they said "Did you not have a TV in your room, sir?" Can't argue with that!
Appreciate the hospitality, Red Roof
Steven
by Steven Bartholomew |
April 04, 2023
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Look, I knew I was never going to be a professional bullfighter, but that's not why I did it...
To be clear, this patch isn't saying "Damn. Sluts!" in any sort of aggressive or judgmental tone. It should be read like, "Damn. Sluts! (:", in a fun, playful, and exciting way. I figured I had to make myself clear on this one before people thought we had some sort of beef with the slut community.
It hasn't been that long since we released our last Wedding Crashers patch and for a good reason, this movie is a one-liner gold mine. I'd seriously love a chance to shake the hands of the screenwriters and bullshit over a beer, or a crabcake. I think a crabcake would be more fitting. And maybe afterward we could slide over to the bachelor party with Sack, I hear those environmental group gals are gonna be in attendance. (We can dip out once the otter stories start coming out.)
Have a good one, "team player"
Steven
