How To: Properly show people your dick picks

by Nate Hoff | January 22, 2019 | 130 Comments

I think we can all agree that 2019 is a weird time. The company that makes your razor thinks you're a POS, Seinfeld is considered offensive to the younger, softer generations, and the Chiefs are a relevant football team again. On top of that, it's now considered normal to send people pictures of the ole' twig and berries. How is George Costanza offensive, but a strangers lap rocket randomly sent to your phone considered a normal thing? Call me old fashioned, but I prefer to introduce myself like a gentleman. Make small talk, have a drink, then let her see it in the backseat of my Plymouth in the bowling alley parking lot. But since this is 2019 that doesn't work anymore, I've had to learn the art of the showing girls my dick picks.

I'd like to think I'm a decent looking guy, but I'm not getting invited to any supermodel bubble bath pillow fight parties by any means. That's why I have to rely more heavily on my humor to seal any deals. For that reason, I open up with the best wingman of all the "Violent Little Dick Picks". 

It turns out women (and men) actually love getting our dick picks. I'm not talking about the poorly lit, side shot of some dudes clam hammer either. Owning these dick picks is like stumbling into a personality. When you've got a pocket full of dick picks everyone is your friend. Well, except that one girl at the bar who was "above" that kind of humor. Jokes on you, Becky, you aren't even that attractive!

Here are a few tips for showing people your dick picks:

1. Don't squander your dick picks. If you whip it out to show someone, they're probably going to want to keep it. Don't waste them on someone with a case of RBF (unless you want the challenge).
2. Have your dick pick ready to whip out. If you walk up and ask "Do you want to see my dick pick?" things could go south in a hurry if you aren't prepared to immediately show off the goods.
3. Invest in a fine tip silver sharpie. Though these dick picks are small (They're growers, not showers) they are big enough to write your phone number on. 
4. You gotta know when to hold em' and when to fold em'. Actually, that's BS. I have yet to find a scenario where these weren't funny.
5. Use your new powers sparingly. Statistically, you will get a 63% jump in "game". Don't let it get to your head. Like an Instagram model, it could all be gone in an instant. Then you'll just be another average looking person with the personality of a shoe.

If you're still on the fence about buying a set of "Violent Little Dick Picks", let me leave you with this totally real, not made up testimony from an actual girl I met last weekend at a bar (a straight bar).

"Once Nate showed me his dick pick I knew instantly I wanted to take him back to my mansion and make love to him on a pile of money. Without that dick pick, I probably wouldn't have even acknowledged him"

Did I mention she was a Swiss model too...yeah...and like super hot. I'd give you her name but you wouldn't know her, she goes to a different school.

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